If I had to think of a time where my relationship with my boobs were at it’s worst, I’d have to think about last summer. I’d rescently gotten very into health and fitness as a post- high school athletic type, and naturally being a girl, I wanted new gear. I went into Lululemon and found their Free to be Wild Bra. I’d seen it every where, it was gorgeous, I loved it. That is- until I put it on. Unlike the other girls I’d seen, though it was in my size it definitely did not fit, Not enough fabric over my cleavage and much too big for my small shoulders. I left the store, sad about not achieving my desired look, and went to my local CVS. While at the counter I looked at the magazines. Iskra Lawrence, Wendy Williams, and Ashley Graham all across the covers. All great women who have dared to make the fashion world fit them instead of vice-versa. I saw how flawlessly pretty they were, but I also saw what society would say are “flaws”.
Too small for Lane Bryant and too large for every other brand, I’m the odd duck in the middle. For a very long time, it bothered me a lot. Time in the fitting room would be insurmountable, followed by an almost emptying of my wallet. Then, six months later the cycle would begin again, and the frustration of a discontinuation of last seasons bra and new materials piled on. Rather than become frustrated with the industry, I became frustrated with myself, which should not have been the case. I remember waking up in the middle of the night pouring over ways to make my breasts appear smaller. I even tried taping for a while, which I honestly wouldn’t recommend to anyone ( no one likes fractured ribs). The other issue was that no one was coming forward about the issue, although big boobs were all over Hollywood.
My biggest frustration besides shopping, would be the stigma. V-neck t-shirts were considered inappropriate on me, but not anyone below a C cup. Buying dresses larger than needed in order to hide cleavage in over to be professional, and lets not forget guys staring. It would honestly make me livid for any man to see my chest before he even looked at my face, and sadly you’re not always in a position to tell someone to piss off.
Alas, times have changed and gotten better in other aspects. A few companies have began to troubleshoot and begin making bigger sizes in lingerie without robbing us, and it makes me feel better. I had to bring myself to understand that not everything is going to fit and thats okay. Time brings about a change in almost everything and I have to learn to be patient.
The biggest obstacle about overcoming my relationship with my boobs would have to be learning to accept myself, and all of myself at that. We are all classically conditioned to want to look different than we do, and its not our fault, but what we are exposed to. I had to realized that my time crying in dressing rooms and hating myself was only happening because I was letting it. Even if no one else thinks I’m beautiful, I have to feel and know that I am beautiful for myself. It took such a long time for me to learn this lesson and I’m so grateful for it. I’m so grateful for the women who have stood up for size equality and body positivity, but I also want girls to learn to stand up for themselves and learn to be beautiful for you and not anyone else.
Thank You for reading today’s blog post. Stay Chic.